pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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