Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
