I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
