i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
