Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I came so hard my ears popped.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
