my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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