I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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