everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
