someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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