it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
