He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
