I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
