i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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