Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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