maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ketchup is God's man juice
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
