Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
