he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Randomize
