plz talk dirty to me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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