All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
