don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
