I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
