He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
