I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
