Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
