I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
