Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
