If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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