in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
