Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
