Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
