God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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