Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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