I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
