so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
