If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
