Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
