the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
