We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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