if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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