i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
