After last night, I could never be a politician.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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