I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
