I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think I am morally bankrupt
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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