Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
