I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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