you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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