He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
