why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
