I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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