I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
