i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
