so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
